We all know that self-care is a huge priority for women these days. Even in quarantine, we’re running around being our badass selves, working from home, checking in on our friends + family, pumping out loaves of banana bread, attempting virtual workouts with wine bottle dumbbells, and somehow finding the energy at the end of the day to get through our 10-step skincare routine without passing out (OH MY GOD). We’re BUSY, and that is certainly something to be proud of. But just as much as we need to tick off those to-do items and daily goals, we also need time to slow down, listen to our bodies, and treat ourselves to a much-needed night off.
The next time you’re feeling a little overwhelmed or burnt out (which is totally normal), rather than booking an expensive massage or facial, try planning a cute date night for yourself! Regardless of whether you’re in a long-term relationship or living your best single life, you deserve a special evening that is devoted entirely to you and your needs, planned by the person who knows you best. You have full reign to go crazy with your self-inspired planning, but, if you need a few ideas to spark your imagination, check out my solo date night staples below, starting with something sweet, and ending with something sexy. Get it, girl.
Treat Yourself (Literally)
What killer date doesn’t involve dinner and nomz?! This is the perfect opportunity to grab that Eataly pizza-making kit you’ve had your eye on, or to finally test out Chrissy Teigen’s to-die-for, garlicky mac and cheese. And guess what? If it tastes like shit, the only guest you have to please is yourself; hopefully you can laugh it off and dig into that leftover banana bread. As long as your tummy is 100% satisfied, mission accomplished (we’ll get to the other kind of satisfaction later). As an added bonus, I always make sure I’m prepared with ALL THE SNACKS for a post-dinner treat. Sometimes (don’t judge me), I’ll just eat straight-up brie cheese on a baguette because that makes me feel cool and French and sophisticated. If you’re a sweet vs. savory gal, try some homemade chocolate-covered strawberries or pick up a box of macarons for an aesthetically pleasing dessert. Oui, queen!
Dress Up...Or Down
Just as you would for any other date, it’s time to pick an outfit that makes you feel like a freakin’ goddess. Whether that’s a sexy BootayBag Bralette underneath your new tie-dye lounge set, or your fave pair of undies from this month's BootayBag paired with a divine, little bathrobe, the goal is for you to feel undeniably amazing about the skin - and undies - you’re in. Finish the look by adding your go-to lip gloss, a little natural mascara, and a few dewey highlighter drops so you can glow inside and out. Then, snap a quick selfie or 8 (or a polaroid if you’re feeling extra...aren’t we all?) to document your perfect, love-yourself vibe. This is your moment to look in the mirror and acknowledge, without a doubt in the world, that you are beautiful, sexy, and confident just the way you are.
No, not like that (although we're not opposed...coming next). Date nights are all about ambiance, so dim the lights, fire up all of your candles, and rearrange them in the bedroom or living room so it looks like your cramped, one-bedroom apartment is showing off just for you. I tend to gravitate towards scents that can instantly transport me to a more romantic location (think salt and sage for a beachy vibe, or rose and santal for a sweet, garden picnic). You can also light incense (my faves are African Jasmine or Sandalwood) to create a hazy oasis with smoke hanging in the air like an intimate lounge. Remember, you’re setting the mood for you and no one else, so pick fragrances that make you feel a little somethin’-somethin’.
Last, but certainly not least, bring on the crystals. I’m not very intense about mine (I don’t charge them in the moonlight like many of my fellow Venice neighbors do), but I do try to keep one crystal in each room to pump up my energy: try sparkly gold pyrite in the living room to remind you that you are GOLDEN, and sensual, pink quartz in the bedroom to keep in touch with your inner femininity (there are lots of quartz towers that are definitely phallic, if that’s your vibe).
“Pour It Up, Pour It Up” - Rihanna
Onto my favorite part of the evening: let’s get the juices flowing. Nothing makes me feel more like an all-powerful queen than a big-ass glass of full-bodied Pinot, but I salute whatever your beverage of choice may be. Maybe you’re a whiskey gal, and you keep a stunning, crystal whiskey decanter on your highly curated bar cart for special occasions. It’s time to whip that baby out. Maybe you said bye-bye to alcohol long ago, so you mix up a sexy little Lemon-Pineapple-Kiwi Sparkling Mocktail instead. Whatever your taste buds are calling for, raise a glass, and make a cute toast to YOU: for taking the time to honor and celebrate yourself, for knowing your worth, and for always unapologetically putting yourself first.
Have Some Steamy Content on Deck
Newsflash: women watch porn too, and that is not only normal as hell, but productive for your sex life overall (solo, or with a partner)! There’s no better time to learn exactly what you like and what kinks you’re into than your solo date night, which just wouldn’t be complete without a little visual and/or audio stimulation, tbh (and before you ask, no, a Fifty Shades of Grey marathon doesn't count). Admittedly, lots of porn can feel really intimidating if you’re new to the genre, and there are some intense videos that aren’t enjoyable for everyone (I’m definitely good without super aggressive BDSM). But women are quickly getting some much-needed skin in the game and have created female-focused, safe spaces that offer more authentic content from regular people, as opposed to porn stars and production companies.
Try Make Love Not Porn, which sources real videos from real couples and individuals, or check out Lust Cinema, which highlights videos directed by women that portray intimacy, love, and lust in a respectful way. However, if you’re like me and feel a little shier when it comes to porn, that’s ok too! You can always track down a film or TV show with some sex scenes that will make you blush (think Outlander on Starz, Blue Valentine, or Black Swan), or try storytime with Dipsea, which exists to help sexually arouse women. Either way, this is your time to pick your fantasy, get comfy with your bad self, and...
Get Ready For the Big Finale
It’s your special night, and after all of the little pleasures and treats you’ve lined up for yourself, it’s time for the Big O. Whether you’re new to self-pleasure or you’ve been doing it since you realized you could create “tingles” down there when you were 11, there is no wrong way to love on yourself. Some women prefer the au naturale method, while others are insanely attached to their vibrators. Personally, I’m dying to try out this Full-Service Oral Sex Simulator, which, exactly as the name suggests, is supposed to feel like oral.
Regardless of your method, the truth is that you deserve pleasure often, and there is absolutely no shame in that. Even if you do have a partner, it’s crucial that you continue serving up a little self-love so that you can better express exactly what you like. There is nothing embarrassing about “flicking the bean” (as my high school friends call it); it’s a natural part of maintaining a healthy sex life, and the perfect way to end your epic night. So relax, and let it all go; you earned it.
Just like that, you have all the tips you need to plan the best. date night. ever. We spend so much of our lives giving our time and energy to others, so really take advantage of this opportunity to be a little selfish and to give time and energy back to yourself! Have fun, get creative, and remember: you are not only empowered, but entitled to meaningful self-love and self-care, beyond face masks and manicures. Now get out there, grab hold of your inner Lizzo, and go love yo-self.